November 10th, 2025

We just got back from the beach. It’s still strange when you’re not with us on family trips. I remember the time you let me try whiskey in the kitchen. Hesitantly dipping my finger in the glass and lapping up the amber liquid. I can’t remember who was there, but I do remember we were at the beach.

I found myself struggling to meditate on the waves. Eyes were on my feet, the birds, sand, rocks… My head running in circles. Sunshine managed to sneak up on me; that never happens. We’re basically magnets for each other, I know where he is at all times. This restlessness is undoubtedly partly due to a poorly constructed bill passed in the Senate yesterday after a record-breaking government shutdown. Our signature family head shake and shoulder clenching have reared its ugly head this week.

Worry about my friends keeps my neck tweaked. Worry about my spouse… Wrestling with helplessness is agonizing and, frankly, privileged. Spacing out my news intake because I can no longer access sources outside the US reliably feels like willful ignorance. I’m sure that just put me on some sort of watch list.

I’m finally — at long last — facing my fears of having a firm stance on things. It may be simple, my voice may shake, but I am calling congresspeople, attending rallies, meeting with friends, but mostly I’m listening to stories. I think this is what you meant that time we fought at the house over Thanksgiving. We never talked about fear. I wish we’d done it more. Did you believe I was fearless because I could perform? Were you? How did you ignore the fear and press forward?

Anyway. I just wanted to let you know I’m facing my fears. I may cry and cuss the whole time but being quiet and letting the world settle around me was never an option. I’ve always participated. Had opinions. Not stopping that now.

I love you, I miss you, I’m alright.